This Is How Your Farmer’s Market Haul Would Dress
I think I'm a Rainbow Carrots sun, a Green Cabbage moon, and a Mutsu Apple rising
UNION SQUARE GREENMARKET — Andrew at the Andrew’s Honey stand notices you look confused.
He sees you struggling to pick a jar and tells you to look for your neighborhood. You’ll want to select honey produced by bees closest to your apartment to maximize its immunity-boosting effects, he says. Something about the pollen. You happily obey and scan the illustrated lids for the one made by your neighbors, the bees.
Under the flower tents, placed at the edges of the crescent of vendors so you won’t forget to grab a bouquet on your way out, you’ll wonder how it’s possible to choose between 50 perfect bunches. You grab sunny tulips from their watery jug and tuck them in your purse with the blooms peaking out like an accessory.
A dozen niche apple varieties wait patiently for you to make your way over to the northeastern most corner of the square. They’re “tart” and “crisp” and “refreshing” according to the signage. You choose with your heart because you’re not an apple sommelier and have no clue how to distinguish this one’s tartness from the next. It will always be a good choice.
As you gather your grocery haul, I’m taking notes on the outfits. The bootcut jeans; the floppy sun hats; the Barbour jackets; the ironic tote bags; the CBK-inspired eyewear; the tank tops and their accompanying red shoulders; the dogs in useless rain coats. And I’m daydreaming about what the produce itself might wear.
Honeycrisp Apple, for one, is definitely an older sister who loves a crisp cotton blouse. Bok Choy is a bit of a party girl, obviously, whose oversized shades and stacks of arm candy stay on at all times. Daffodil feels most herself in a turtleneck and has the best top-handle bag collection you’ve ever seen.
In today’s letter, I’ve channeled the spirit of spring produce to style a look for each. Outfitting yourself to honor mother nature’s abundance is a long-held tradition — but maybe it’s time the harvest wants to play dress up too.
She was a Girl Scout well into her teens. She always has gum. She adopted two Siamese cats and named them Romulus and Remus (she was a classics major). She owns an extra large Hulken in a limited edition color. As a kid, adults were always telling her she had “an old soul.” She’s never dyed her hair.
Her outfit:
She’s Honeycrisp’s younger sister (don’t you see the resemblance?). She can quote every episode of Lizzie McGuire and knows Madonna’s catalogue like the back of her hand. She doesn’t take off her jewelry to shower. She’s touched glitter in the last 24 hours. And the in the 24 hours before that. A surfing instructor once told her she was a natural.
Her outfit:
Her mom’s a fourth grade teacher. She has three passports. She gives really astute advice that you don’t want to take. Her vinyl collection is unmatched. She has a natural grey streak in her hair and can do a spot-on impression of any character in a 2000s sitcom. She tailors all her own clothing.
Her outfit:
She’s a pisces sun with a cancer moon. She has a tomato leaf candle in every room of her apartment. She’s unbeatable at Scrabble. She has a complete collection of matching vintage spice jars. She buys her shampoo and conditioner from the hair salon. She’s never filed for a tax extension.