How To Be the World’s Best Gift Giver

Mini horses, weird haikus, and frozen cheesecake — a definitive guide to giving the most thoughtful gifts

Nov 16, 2024

I love a gift guide. It’s a delightfully curated holiday window display from your favorite internet friends. But this isn’t a gift guide — at least not in the traditional sense. Rather, this is a guide on how to give gifts, with some tried and true gift ideas woven in.

I’m on record as being an intense lover of Christmas, (like listening to Nat King Cole in July if I need a pick-me-up kind of intense), and my love for the season is wrapped up in a velvety red bow. There are 3 important tenets of giving a perfect gift, all crucial to the process, but the most important tenet includes my success-guaranteed Mix and Match Gifting Formula.

As a meticulous shopper, an obsessive thinker, and the daughter of a mother who considers gift giving her personal religion, I have anthologized my family’s gift giving doctrine for you here. I gift to you my official guide to being The World’s Best Gift Giver.

1. Keep a list (and check it twice)

Turns out that Santa guy was onto something here. Instead of going the naughty and nice route, I keep a running Notes app list of gift ideas for all the people in my life I want to shower with presents.

Gift ideas usually come to me in eureka moments — there’s no way I could keep track of them in my head. Without my list, everyone would get coal. I can’t tell you how much this will change the game. Every time I think of a potential gift, no matter the time of year, I write it down, and when a gifting opportunity next arises, I already have a list tailored to each loved one.

a peek into my list (no spoilers obviously, these gifts have been given already)

Make sure to include links as well. Writing “that cool sweater I saw last week” probably won’t be helpful in six months.

2. The bow is non-negotiable

My mom is a wizard with a ribbon. She instilled high wrapping expectations in me from a young age — a half-assed wrap job will simply not do.

“You should put the same level of care and attention into the wrapping as you do the gift,” she says. And she means it. Growing up, every single item in my stocking was wrapped individually. My mom’s philosophy is that gift giving should be an event.

“This whole ‘I don’t know how to wrap’ thing — What the fuck? Watch a YouTube video!” - my mother

Rules for Wrapping:

Every present must have a bow.
It can be a dollar store tape-on bow or some expensive thick velvet ribbon, but it must have a bow. (She finds really good ones at the dollar store.)
If the item didn’t come in a box, it needs to be placed in a box.
Presents look nicer in neat little square boxes. No haphazard crumpling of paper around an oddly shaped kitchen utensil — boxes too can be purchased at the dollar store.
I spent Christmas last year in a foreign country where I couldn’t drive and didn’t want to impose by asking someone to drive me to the store for boxes. I’d also left most of the gifts back home because they wouldn't fit in my suitcase. This left me with pretty much nothing to wrap and nothing to wrap the nothing in. I drew pictures of each gift on a piece of paper and wrapped them nicely inside of boxes I found in the pantry (crackers, pasta, etc.). There is no excuse for not wrapping something nicely. Even when there is nothing to wrap.
Chic wrapping paper only.
In our house, it’s tradition to have a roll or two of animal print paper, usually zebra or leopard. My mom spends months before Christmas roaming the aisles of Targets, Dollar Trees, and random grocery stores finding cute paper for cheap. It’s all going in the bin anyway, so don’t break the bank, but there are plenty of options for non-ugly paper.
some of her handy work

Feel like you’re hopeless with a roll of paper and some double-sided tape? My loving mother’s advice: “This whole ‘I don’t know how to wrap’ thing — What the fuck? Watch a YouTube video! Try your best.”

3. The Mix and Match Gifting Formula

It feels deeply wrong to me to only give one gift. I believe, in the pursuit of everyone I love being swaddled in the warm embrace of being known, that everyone should have a thoughtfully selected bundle of boxes to rip open.

The Mix and Match Gifting Formula is simple — every serious gift should be balanced by a silly gift, and every utilitarian gift should be balanced by a sentimental one. The perfect gift is comprised of items from at least two of the following gift categories.

Giving more doesn’t have to mean spending more, though. Gifts you pay for with your time rather than your money often end up being the most special. The ultimate goal of gift giving is to show someone you see them, you consider them, and you care for them.

Below are some of the most thoughtful, personal, and also ridiculous gifts I have given and received over the years broken down into categories to prompt some eureka moments of your own. Mix and match 2, 3, or maybe 5 options this holiday season for a well rounded and thoughtfully considered gift:

Something goofy that will make them laugh

In my mom’s words, “not everything has to be some meaningful crying moment, it can just be funny.” Laughter is priceless to me, and there’s no sweeter sound that an ugly cackle from someone you love. Try something like…

A weird animal sponsorship in their name

I sponsored a mini horse in my mother’s name. His name is Bam Bam, he is 24 inches tall, and he lives at Saving Grace Miniature Horse Rescue in Michigan with his best mini horse friends. My mom laughed so hard it did actually turn into a cry moment.

bam bam helping raise money at a bake sale

from left to right: auggie, bam bam, mama mia & mr. wiggles

Or a dramatic and detailed letter to a company or establishment they’re loyal to

My boyfriend was complaining for months about his favorite brand of peanut butter tasting different. He kept saying they must have changed the mix. So I wrote the company a letter to inquire whether the mix had been changed and explained how difficult this had been on him.

It took a lot of reaching out to various company channels (I don’t know why concerned fan mail wouldn’t be the top priority), but eventually I got a letter back — and two coupons for a free jar of peanut butter! This gift was even better than free, it was technically net +$14.

ironically we are now loyal to a different brand (teddie peanut butter if you’re reading this please get in touch)

Something sentimental or homemade

This category is where I get in trouble. I am unable to complete a homemade gift without spending an ungodly number of hours on it. I spent far more than 100 hours collaging a calendar that I gave to my boyfriend for our anniversary. I become insane when handed craft scissors or access to Canva premium. But the insanity is what makes a homemade gift so touching.

Over the years I’ve both given and received a lot of homemade gifts: ornaments painted like pets, engraved jewelry, custom personal library book stamps, a personalized printed vinyl, and things like…

An absurd compilation of self-written poetry

I inherited the insanity gene from my mom, who has gifted me (on more than one occasion) a self-published book of her own poetry. Haiku, limerick, sonnet, you name it — she’s written it, poorly designed a graphic for it, and had it printed and bound. A selection of my mother’s poetry:

Or a personally annotated book for your favorite reading nerd

My friend Maya annotated a book of poetry for me years ago and it remains one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. She drew pictures in the margins, underlined and highlighted her favorite lines, and scribbled notes to accompany my read.

Level up on this by finally reading that book they keep begging you to read and gift them your annotated copy (along with the hour long conversation about the book they’ve been dreaming of).

Something you can do together

(… or they can do with someone they like more than you, tbh.) Experience-centered gifts might not seem quite as fun to open without that sweet instant gratification, but that’s no worry because you have more than one gift! Try something like…

A board game for some good old fashioned family screaming

I have the fondest memories of playing board games with my whole dad’s side of the family growing up thanks to my aunt and uncle always showing up for Christmas with a new game in tow. There’s no better way to celebrate the season of giving than screaming at a cousin for making you draw 4 cards.

My family’s lesser known favorites: Pit1, a fast-paced card game where you trade commodities and everyone goes at the same time; Betrayal at House on the Hill, a haunted board game where every round is a new spooky scenario; Dixit, an illustration game that thrives on inside jokes and reading each other’s minds.

Or tickets to a show for hard-to-shop-for parents

I feel like it’s a general consensus that fathers are the most difficult people to shop for. I can tell this is the case because Father’s Day gift guides have the same five things on them every year — a tool, a book, a grill, a weird gadget no one has ever needed or wanted, and another tool.

Event tickets work especially well for people who already have the ability to buy random things they want throughout the year (parents). I recommend searching up your dad’s favorite comedian or ‘80s band — they’re probably playing a reasonably priced show near you. Billy Joel is never not on tour, Eagles are in residency in Las Vegas, and Alanis Morissette is traveling the globe in 2025, to start.

My brother and I have gifted my dad and my stepmom tickets to see Silversun Pickups, Collective Soul, Hootie and the Blowfish, and more over the years. Go above and beyond with a dinner res to round out the date night.

Something they’ll use every day

…in a fun way. A pack of white socks is not fun. Utility gifts can be great for the right person, but most of us want to be surprised with something that we didn’t realize how badly we wanted. The best part of a gift they’ll use every day is that your loved one will think of you fondly every time they reach for it. Try something like…

A fancy kitchen tool for the chef in your life2

I gave my boyfriend a carbon steel wok (shoutout Wirecutter wok list). He used to cook with one often, but didn’t have the packing room to bring it with him when he moved to the U.S. I paired it with a cookbook, of course. Now we cook with it several times a week, and he loves babying it and keeping it well seasoned.

sticky garlic crispy tofu hates to see me coming

Or a digital photo frame for the grandparent who sits at home all day

My mom gifted my granny a digital photo frame. Our family can send pictures to it from our phones via the app, and my granny gets a personal slideshow of her granddaughters every day sitting in her recliner.

Important caveat to a tech gift — you have to do the heavy lifting, set up the gift, and do any maintenance that comes with it. My mom maintains the photo rotation and periodically clears out old ones when the frame gets full. Don’t give sweet Mamaw and Papaw a stroke over an iPad.

Something they really don’t want to do themselves

Why not combine two love languages at the same time? Give the gift of an act of service. Pick up an annoying task or chore and get it done. This is probably best gifted to your favorite procrastinator. Try something like…

Getting their car serviced or cleaning their room

My mom has given me the gift of a clean room many times in my life. Keeping clothes off of the floor is just hard for me, ok? I imagine you have a loved one who might have the same disease, or maybe one whose check engine light has been on for the better part of the car’s life, or their AC filter needs desperate changing, or their kitchen needs re-organizing, or their dry cleaning needs dropping off… Anything they’ve been putting off or particularly hate doing that you can do for them.

Or a digital magazine for moms who hate shopping for themselves

As much as I’ve harped on about my mom being the unofficial queen of gift giving, she ironically doesn’t enjoy shopping. At least for herself. She’s also what I might gently call… skincare challenged. She hates doing it, and she sure as hell hates shopping for it. After constantly asking me for a list of what to buy, I took it a step further and designed a digital magazine she could shop with one click3. I even included step-by-step instructions on morning and night routines.

(This was years ago so a lot of my recs have changed, but I still use a few of these religiously like the Krave Matcha Hemp Cleanser, Weleda Skin Food, and Dr. Jart Tiger Grass Color Correcting Cream.)

Something they want but would never buy for themselves

This is the elusive golden ticket of gift giving, but it can be hard to figure out what someone wants if you don’t ask. Think of their favorites and their repeats — and then upgrade the experience. Something like…

A treasure from a land far away for the tough to please

Last year I spent Christmas in Australia with my boyfriend’s family, and although it was a bummer to miss out on my regular traditions, my own family seemed happy to trade me in for exotic gifts.

My college-student younger brother lives in a hoodie year-round. I picked out the softest thickest hoodie I could find at a cool surf shop designed by a local label. He hasn’t always been one to wear my gifts, but I’ve already seen him in the hoodie more times than I can count. It was a novel addition to his rotation.

Or their favorite food delivered to their door

My mom loves cheesecake. What she loves even more is not having to do any of the work of leaving her house to go get cheesecake and then figuring out a way to store it and eat it all before it goes bad. The latter usually outweighs the former.

So I had an 18-pack of mini frozen cheesecakes delivered to her door via Goldbelly. She got 18 days of delicious dessert without leaving her house or having to wash any dishes.

I hope you’ve enjoyed pilfering through my holiday box of secrets. The world doesn’t need more shopping, but it certainly needs more gifting. It should go without saying that these guidances can apply to all gifting opportunities — any time is a good time to show someone you’re thinking about them. Happy early holiday season and happy gifting!

What’s the best present you have ever given? What about received? Are you a bow purist like my mom? I’d love to hear all about your philosophy on gifting!

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